Heeeeeeeeeeeey01/16/08

Hey, dudes.

Have you had a chance to check out those new videos my ol' man has been putting up? They are pretty awesome. This is a new one that he put up today...



I did a little work on the shows, too, but only on MUGS. You can see the episode of Roller Chester with the first MUGS segment right here.....



Anyway, if you are into that stuff, check it out. If you like the above episodes, there are two more on Drew's YouTube page.

LATERRRRRRRRRRR-
Natalie
THIS JUST IN...01/08/08

So, I got a bunch of emails the past few days asking what, exactly, is in a Pinwheel (see last blog post, ok). I wrote to my sister, who took forever to write me back, since she thought I was MAKING FUN OF HER PINWHEELS. Come on, dude. Who do you think I am? I make fun of stuff, yes, but I do not make fun of people I know, or even mention specifics about people I know for fear of nobody wanting to talk to me ever again. I figure, if I don't ever use people I know as material, nobody will ever get mad at me for using them as material. Right? Right.

ANYWAY, after explaining to my sister that I was not making fun of her Pinwheels, I was just making fun of the fact that I will spend three days cooking Thanksgiving dinner, then she will show up with those Pinwheels and I may as well have made a Swanson's frozen family lasagna or something. I also assured her that I am sure the Pinwheels are delicious, it was merely my own disinterest in cream cheese that dissuaded me from eating them ever.

Okeedoke, then... Without further ado, the contents of a Pinwheel:

2 Packages of Cream Cheese (yikes!)
2 Tablespoons of Hot Sauce
1/2 cup of shredded Mexican Cheese (I think she is talking about the Kraft stuff.)
3 Green Onions
1 can of Green Chilis
1/2 of a Red Pepper

Now, she didn't really tell me anything else, so I will complete the recipe by deductive reasoning... I think what happens after you get all those ingredients together is that you mix it all up, spread it on some kind of pinkish-orange tortillas (sundried tomato flavored, perhaps) roll those sons of bitches up, and slice them into the legendary Pinwheels.

Even though she did not send me a complete recipe, she did assure me that my "fans would love them." So there you go, guys. Y'all are gonna love Pinwheels, so have at. If you would like to make them, take some pictures, and try them out for me, please feel free. If your pictures are good, I may post a follow up here.

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So, you may have heard Drew mention us moving in a blog post of his a month or two ago... The sewer system in our old place puked shit into the basement one time too many (FYI-- puking shit one time after having the puking shit fixed once is my limit.) Turns out, tree roots were growing through everything, and all the lines in the yard were all busted up with tree roots and worms and who knows what else. SHOELACES, they found shoelaces. Worms and shoelaces and roots and, apparently, a sewer system that was a timebomb.

The old place was SUPERFICIALLY ok, I mean, people would come over think it looked alright and not realize it was a shit-spewing death trap.

Everything that could be fucked up, was. All of the outlets in the house were ungrounded (except for the ungrounded outlets that had outlet covers that made it LOOK like those outlets were grounded, you know, that third little hole is just for LOOKS, it doesn't need to have anything going on behind it.) If you touched anything that was plugged in, you would get shocked. There was 12 feet of ductwork between the (gas) furnace and the first airfilter, so that 12 foot section of ductwork was COMPLETELY PACKED SOLID with dust. Did I mention also that the furnace had not been serviced since prior to my own birth? Yes. It is a miracle that tinderbox didn't go up and we were not roasted in our sleep.

Don't even get me started on the not-life threatening stuff, like no wall anchors used anywhere that towel bars or anything was hung, so if you touched anything, it would fall out of the wall. Or the overflow drain not being attached to the tub, so all the water was flowing directly into the basement. Or how none of the kitchen countertops were nailed down to the cabinets beneath. Or how the stove didn't work, and the cord to the dishwasher made the drawers next to it unusable, since the cord blocked the drawer tracks, and then the dishwasher broke too. It was almost like they were building the house, and some dumbass walked by and was like "OH, HEY GUYS, I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BUILDING ANYTHING, LET ALONE A HOUSE, BUT I WILL TAKE OVER FROM HERE," and the construction workers were like, "ALRIGHT, SOUNDS GOOD TO ME, DUDE. GO FOR IT!!"

Shit. Where was I going with this before I went off on how shitty the old place was....? Oh, yeah. The old place was shitty, so we moved.

In the new place, there is some sort of fixture or eave or something outside that I have yet to locate, which, when the wind blows at a certain speed or from a certain direction, makes a noise like a child being horribly tortured. I have heard the wind making the screaming noise a few times before, and it always startles me. Today, I was dustmopping around, and was standing by what must be the closest spot in the house to whatever makes that noise, and the wind screamed through the eaves, and I almost shit. It was so fucking loud.

So, yeah, I was gonna complain about how the new house screams at me like a tortured child, cause that is pretty heinous, but after ranting about the old place it seems kind of charming in comparison. So, carry on, new place. Carry on.
HELLO!! HELLO!! HELLO!!01/04/08

HEY GUYS!!

What the heck's going on? Long time, no see! What's been going on with YOU?

Oh, yeah?

Uh-huh, that's interesting.

Me? Oh, I've been doing a bunch of stuff, and, frankly, none of the stuff was really interesting enough to blog about, so I didn't.

I'm not making excuses or anything, since I just write on here for fun, but ignoring the giant gap in posts would be like if I ran into you in the mall, and you had some really drastic and heinous new haircut, and I ignored it rather than pretending to like it. Or something. Like. That.

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Lately, I have been on an all Morrissey, all day kick. When I am busy, I tend to just put long playlists on the iPod and let 'em run all day so I don't have to keep going back to change albums or whatever while I'm working. Back in the day when I was kicking it in a cubicle all day, I would just keep my playlist of all the Melvins albums going, since it would only repeat itself once a week.

Anyway, I have been listening to Morrissey all day. Morrissey is not like my 100% favorite or anything, but he is consistant and prolific, so I have been buying Morrissey albums on a regular basis for the past 16 years.

Despite the fact that he is not my favorite, and despite the fact that I don't really give a crap what other people listen to, I have to say that if I find out that someone DOESN'T like Morrissey, I can't relate. I don't care if someone has never heard of him, but if they have and they decided they did not like him, it just seems wrong. It is like saying you don't like cookies or hugs or baskets of puppies. People don't go around starting parades and getting tattoos across their foreheads about how much they like cookies, but if you don't like them, it is almost like a personality flaw.

PLUS, the dude is about as fashionable as possible. The world would look a lot better if more dudes dressed like Morrissey.

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CURRENT EVENTS SECTION OF THE BLOG

So, Obama, right?

He seems pretty awesome, but I am not going to get my hopes up about anything relating to politics ever in my life ever again. I will keep on keeping on, ignore a bunch of hysterical, speculative news stories about WHO IS GONNA BE PRESIDENT?!? and hope that when it is time to vote I see his name on the ballot.

I just don't wanna get all amped on a nominee who may or may not drop out by summer, and who might still lose if they get on the ballot. I would probably not be so cynical, but shit, Howard Dean killed me. Then I half-heartedly transposed all my feelings onto John Kerry, and we saw how that turned out.

Getting all frothy about this stuff and bitching and moaning doesn't make my vote worth more, so I am going to save myself the anguish.

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During BLOG HIATUS 2007/8, I had Thanksgiving at my house. We usually have it here, since I like cooking more than I like traveling with my dogs. Anyway, this year, as in years previous, my sister brought Pinwheels, and my family ate all the Pinwheels before they they got in the door and took their coats off.

pinwheel-triptych
Pinwheel Triptych... A photo study in the only thing my family likes about the holidays.

I can't say I've eaten a Pinwheel... I don't like peppers or cream cheese that much, and they appear to rely heavily on those two ingredients, but damn if other people don't take a tray of them fuckers straight to their dome. I had to get my picture taken with them before everyone arrived and started mainlining them. Backs all hunched over the table, double-fisting them Pinwheels. Sheesh.

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So, recently I found a jazzy little set of reusable grocery bags. I'd been looking around for some for awhile, and everything I found was too bulky to keep more than a couple, or looking like some kind of hippy kindergarten teacher tote bag, which is not really my thing. I finally found a set of six nylon bags that fold up real little and hang out in a pouch thing. And they are BLACK instead of hempy sunflowers hugging a smily globe bullshit.

I have been trying to use them when I go to the store. It is actually pretty hard to remember them. I always go to the grocery, and then remember the reusable bags in my purse when I am digging my keys out of my purse to get in the car and head home. Then I get all pissed off.

I really hate plastic bags. They are totally gross. You can't even really reuse them for anything, except picking up dog shit. I suppose you can carry your lunch in them or something, but then you just look like you are carrying dog shit around, which is not a good look. Best case scenario, you can carry larger items around in them, and look like you are walking home from Walmart.

It is best to just not let them into your house at all.

Later!
Natalie
DEAR INTERNET10/24/07

About all those videos, internet... Sometimes I will see a headline that piques my interest, and I would like to read about said headline. Then, I click on the link, and all there is behind the link is a fucking 2 minute news video or something. No article, no summary, just a video.

Listen, if I wanted to watch TV, I would watch TV. I can knit and stuff when I watch TV. If I am on the internet, it means I am working (AKA not watching TV).

REALLY, is reading something so painful?

EDIT: Also, this just occured to me...

YOUTUBE = AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS

Interesting. And yet, America's Funniest Home Videos is probably not even worth a billion dollars, AND they filter the videos out for you, so you only get the funny* ones.

*not funny.
"People looking like people, dogs looking like dogs."10/17/07

ALTERNATE REALITY NATALIE DEE COMIC
by Natalie Dee



P.S.
Don't forget about the new, limited-edition tshirts in the store!!
BEAUTIFUL!
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