Helloooooooo09/18/06

So, in light of the new redesign (I still love it), I have been getting e-mails from people asking why I don't have any ads on my site. I thought it might be something interesting to talk about, since sites without ads seem to be the minority these days.

My first priority in making my site is making sure there is a drawing every single day, no matter what. My second prioity is presenting my comics in an enviroment that frames them well. The third priority and so on have nothing to do with the argument, so I am only gonna list two priorities.

I know that my stuff has a particular look to it, and is not very detailed, so I like having a site that is pretty plain. It is basically a glorified file directory with a header on it. Now, if I put up a bunch of ads, it would completely blow my stylistic idea. There would be some naked girl in a bunny hat trying to get you to buy some Hentai porn, or some skincare stuff, or some animated webhost ad. It looks sloppy. What if maybe one of my advertisers suddenly wanted to have animated ads of carnations and pleated pants and a bunch of orange stuff? My site would look horrible.

In addition, ads don't really bring in that much revenue. If you want to put ads on your site and make any kind of money at all (like, more than 45 bucks), you gotta flood your site with 'em. Now, the chances for my site to be ugly are increased exponentially.

Design aspects aside, I like maintaining an ad-free site. I like not trying to make you guys go to Suicide Girls. You've been there already! And if you click on the ad, you leave my site, where I like you to be, and I only make a 25% of a penny. What in the shit. You guys stay here as long as you are entertained, then go wherever your heart takes you. Maybe it will take you to an online gambling site, or to buy a new cellphone, but that will be your choice. I am not going to sell you out for 25% of a penny.

I also think that there is something honest about making my living only off the people who actually appreciate what I do. Like, the only way I get paid is if someone thinks I am funny enough or fucked up enough or whatever enough to want buy merchandise. That's pretty much it. The more people like my site, the more money I make. That is the only equation.

Now, in a year or so you see an ad on here, man...what then? Well, if that happens, you can rest assured that company must have given me a heaping mothershit ton of money, and that I am taking a bath in diamonds, and who doesn't want to do that?

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This is an open letter to Ghostface Killah:

Dear Ghostface Killah,

You are my favorite rapper. I think that the way you write raps is superior to the way that other rappers do. I have seen some videos of you freestyling, and you are pretty much the best at that, too. Sometimes, I like your raps so hard that I wish you would write a novel-length rap. Like 300 pages. I can listen to "Stroke of Death" over and over and over and never get tired of it.

I like to listen to you when I am making accent pillows in my sewing room. I like listening to you in my station wagon on the way to Bed Bath and Beyond. I basically listen to you all day. I can't say what album is my favorite. I love all of them. A while ago, I thought I didn't like "Bulletproof Wallets," but it turned out that I was just not ready for it. Now I know, that album is the one to blog to. I just wasn't ready to blog that hard.

I recently had a dinner party, and made some cavatelli. There were like 12 people there, and the whole time, I just played Ghostface Killah albums, cause your rhymes are like ziti, and ziti is kinda like cavatelli. I think that 75% of the guests would have preferred to not listen to you for 4 hours solid, but it was my party so fuck em.

Here are some pictures of the sauce I made for my Ghostface Killah Dinner Party. I am pretty sure it is against many different religions:

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Well, I oughta go now. I gotta go click click click.

Love, Natalie

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So, as I was clicking up there in that above section, I had a dinner party this past weekend. I often refer to myself as "the heavy metal Martha Stewart," so I thought I should bring the noise. Plus, I had been watching a lot of Julia Child lately, so I was feeling like a large cooking project. I made that mess of sauce that Mr. Ghost is modeling above, and had some other stuff, too.

Hey, look, it's some antipasti!!

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Everything turned out pretty good. There is so much leftover pasta that I have been eating it for days. My pee smells like tomato sauce, and my guts are all glued up with flour and water. It feels like I ate a cinderblock. Ugh.
"Redesign, etc."09/14/06

Perhaps you have noticed that I totally revamped my site. Change is good, and I think it looks a lot more awesome now. Easier to navigate, easier to share pictures with your friends, and easier for me to get excited about. There is just something about looking at the same layout everyday that makes you get a little bored. I love it this way, in case you were wondering, so it is going to stay like this until I get another wild hair up my ass to change it again.

Do any of you remember when my website was white and pink? And all the drawings were in crayon? That was back in the old ass days. Then, after I changed it a couple years ago, I put all those snakes everywhere. Memories...

A special thanks goes out to my lady, Miss Sharon, for modeling some shirts for me on the front page of my site. If you did not see them, you should go back and check them out. Not only is she the most beautiful girl in the world, she is smart and funny and talented rock-n-roller, too. She also has excellent manners and a pleasant personality. (She also has a boyfriend, so don't e-mail me about it, dudes. AND FOR SHIT'S SAKE, DON'T WRITE TO HER! God.) If you wanna model for Natalie Dee, you gotta be a complete package, if you know what I'm saying. So, thank you, Sharon!! More of my pals will be modeling shirts in the future, so keep your eyes peeled for more photoshoots!

ORIGINAL NATALIE DEE MODEL, LOOKING EVER-SO DASHING...
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If you are bored at work today, you might want to look at that list of links to the direct left of this blog entry. You can check out the blogs of my beautiful friend (and future model), Kate, and my debonair pal Steve, who I am always plugging because I find his site quite charming. There is also a little Flickr album, of olden days pictures of me and Drew, in case you were wondering what kind of stuff we've been up to in all our years of secrecy. Watch our weight fluctuate, look at us when we still looked pretty young, and watch me have a hard time deciding what to do with my hair. Meet my Aunt Marie. Fun for all.

Okeedoke, dudes! Keep it real!
Hairmetal as fuck09/14/06

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Dude from Cinderella equals a picture of a picture of 7 year old Natalie.

What what.
Quick Ask Natalie09/11/06

Q: How come Y is "sometimes" a vowel? A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y. What the fuck does that mean? Does some literary God go, "Y...see, you're just not cool enough to play with us today, so I guess you'll have to go stand in the corner of the playground by the broken slide."

A: Wikipedia says that "a vowel is a sound in spoken language that is characterized by an open configuration of the vocal tract so that there is no build-up of air pressure above the glottis. This contrasts with consonants, which are characterized by a constriction or closure at one or more points along the vocal tract."

So, Y is considered a consonant in most contexts, but somtimes in words like "symbol" or "busy" the Y represents an open configuration of the vocal tract.

(((((((((((((((((((GRAMMAR IS RAD))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((WIKIPEDIA AM RAD, TOO))))))))))))))))))
Dear Internet:09/09/06

Apparently, I need to write this whole thing over again. I am constantly frustrated because I can't put this shit in simple enough English. Let me lay out a time line for you--

Start of the site: Everybody is mad about me not posting a picture of myself
Redesign of the site: Included the pic of me with my face covered up, but I had my hair and glasses the old way, so I kinda looked like the main character of the site.
The past however many years: I get constant emails like WHY WON'T YOU SHOW YOUR FACE? WHY DON'T YOU UNCOVER YOUR FACE IN YOUR PICTURE? ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO COVER UP YOUR BAD ACNE/DEFORMITY/UGLINESS/HORRIBLE INJURY?
Earlier this week: I posted the first full face picture of myself on the internet, a joke picture nonetheless. My reasons for doing it was that a lot of people recognize me anyway, and I do public appearances, so remaining undercover seemed stupid. Immediately after, I begin to get really scuzzy e-mails from people, basically going from treating me like a person who writes weird comics and writes and tries to be funny, to treating me like a stupid slut who posted my pic to invite every man on the internet to come suck on my titties. If I wanted to be objectified, I would have come out five years ago with guns blazing, but obviously that fact didn't occur to anyone.
A couple days ago: I posted a blog (actually the blog I deleted in order to replace it with this blog), pointing out how disappointed I was in some of these people, since I was getting SO MANY E-MAILS ABOUT IT, hoping that people would just shut the hell up about it already. I laid it on on the line, and asked for it to stop. I also requested that people quit writing me to be shitty and rude in general.

You guys on top of the situation now? Straight. What I got after that blog posted was about 500 e-mails. I am not sure exactly how many, because I have not read even a fraction of them yet. About 25% of these e-mails have the subject line NOT ABOUT YOUR TITTIES. About 50% of the e-mails I have read made sweeping assumptions about my mental heath, saying that the blog post made it sound like I am depressed, and maybe I should seek mental help (but don't stop making your site!! P.S. You do have nice funbags, though!)

I'll start out by letting all you armchair psychologists know that I am probably the most well-adjusted person I know. Every morning I wake up, remember how awesome my life is, and get excited about living that day. You don't know me.

I don't vent on my blog to get attention or to get e-mails. I vent on my blog because something at work (this is my job) is bugging me, and I want to write about it to organize my own thoughts about it, and to maybe make certain trends with my coworkers (you guys) stop. I wanted you guys to quit writing me to be lecherous, quit writing me just to hear yourself type letters on your keyboard, and to quit writing me to make more demands for content on my site when my site is one of a very very small handfull that have new content 365 days a year.

I'm not quitting my site. I never mentioned or alluded to any such thing, but everyone jumps to conclusions that I am mad at you, so no more pictures for you guys. I have been doing this for longer than ANY of you would imagine. When I was a young kid, all I did was draw little pictures. Personified bubbles and trees, all that shit. When I was kid, I would sneak between classrooms and draw little pictures and little jokes in the corners of chalkboards for all kids from all the different class periods to look at. I do this because NATALIE likes it. I am not going to quit because of whatever some fucker has to say to me. I could give two shits. I do this for my own entertainment, and my own edification. My fans are just along for the ride.

Y'all thought I was funny back before the pic... I was symetrical and even-complected back then, too. It is a genetic crap shoot, though, I can't help it. If it was the other way, I would be writing right now about how you all think I am a buttertroll, anyway. There's no way to win. On the internet, you are too sexy, or a fat nasty troll. Thanks, guys.

I never really think about feminism much. I was raised by a single mother with three sisters. Where I grew up, if the ladies weren't doing it, it wasn't gonna get done. I make it a point to not floss with my vagina WOO HOO LOOKIT ME I AM A FEEEMALE WEBCOMIC, I AM A NOVELTY!!! GIRL COMIC!! NO BOYS ALLOWED! I just thought I was making something, and people liked it based on the qualities of it, and it pretty much stayed that way until this past week. One joke photo, and I am not a comic anymore, I am a cumdumpster who collects e-mails about the quality of dudes' boners, bad tat/tit puns, etc, etc. It really pointed out to me what a sausage party this all really is, cause, come on, do you think that any other webcomics have to deal with anything like this?

Everyone wondered why it took so long for me to post it. Well. This crap is why.

And all of this immediately after I posted a long blog about how important I think it is to be good to other people. When I get e-mails from people who miss the entire point of everything I have ever done, it makes me feel like I am talking to myself.

No more e-mails, guys, unless it is something important. I don't want my ego stroked, I don't want you to write to tell me I'm pretty, it makes me feel really weird, cause I don't think that should matter at all. I don't want you to write me with moral support, because I got it under control. The only person whose opinion of me matters is my own. If I go to sleep every night and know I was good, that it. That's the end of the story. Nobody else has anything else to say about it.
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