ASK NATALIE, etc02/10/09

ASK NATALIE

Q: Where I come from, everyone thinks I'm a whore. And they're pretty much right. My reputation has gone to shit. I do regret what I've done in the past. I was young and stupid. What do you do to fix a reputation like this? I'm in a happy relationship now and I'm planning on never whoring around again. Is my reputation totally down the drain or is there something I could do so people will know I've made a conscious effort to change myself?


A: First off, you're not a whore. You weren't making scratch. Perhaps you were behaving in a slutty manner, but calling yourself a whore is a bit much.

Moving on... It's not anyone else's business what you do in your spare time. If you are not fucking someone, it is not their business who you actually are fucking. As long as you are wrapping it up, and not fucking around on someone you're in a relationship with (or who is a relationship with someone else), who cares. Nobody is talking shit about the dudes you were sleeping with being whores, are they? Acting like people being nosy and judgemental bothers you only makes them keep doing it. Hold your head high and don't let what people say about you behind your back bother you, and they will stop once their shaming doesn't hit the mark.

If people give you shit, a simple "my sex life is none of your motherfucking business" works really well. Everyone knows it's not their business. If they get nosy and you act like you care, it makes them think you are seeking their approval. If you act in an ethical manner, and don't spread disease or destroy relationships, your reputation is squeaky clean.

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You'd be surprised how little you get to tear shit up when you have an infant in the house. I have been having a hard time coming up with shit to blog about because I just haven't been getting out much, and my days have been filled with the neverending cycle of diaper-bottle-nap-play-diaper-bottle-nap-play-diaper-bottle-nap-play, day in and day out. I know at some point it will get easier, cause Nona will be old enough to do stuff, and I will be able to leave the house without loading myself up like a packhorse, but in the meantime, I am straight chilling at home. I get out to visit people, and do errands and stuff, but nothing involved cause that diaperbag shit is a bit much. I just feed the kid, change her pants, and make it a quick trip so I can get home before the next bottle/diaper. I am not complaining, I knew what I was getting into, it just doesn't feed into the whole blogging thing too well, cause it is super-difficult to make things sound fascinating.

Just about the only thing that is bugging me about this whole mom business is that I look like total shit all the time. First off, I gained about a million pounds, and being home all the time is not doing much for burning calories. Second, gaining a ton of weight, then having someone slice your abdominal muscles every which way makes things a bit more unattractive than they would be if it was just a situation where I ate too many M&Ms. I have no abdominal strength at all, and when I am standing around, I feel like I am just stacking all my weight on my spine and back, instead of getting any help holding myself up from my front. It will be fine once I find a way to fit working out into my diaper-bottle-nap-play-diaper-bottle-nap-play, and I will save my money to get a tummy tuck if that is what it comes to in a few years, but in the meantime, shit is pretty fat and droopy around these parts. I don't mean to take the shine off it, but you know I bring it to you guys all raw. SHIT IS ALL DROOPY, AND IT LOOKS LIKE A NUTSACK, OK? I said it. Now you know to make sure you are using your birth control until you never want to look good ever again. I heard an old wives' tale when I was still pregnant, that if you have a girl, she will steal your beauty, and I will be damned if those old wives weren't right.

That being said, Nona is pretty awesome! She is terminally chilled out, much like her mom. She will have days when she does not cry once, and she is pretty reliably sleeping until 8 every morning, without getting up overnight. She howls when she thinks something is funny, like aaAAH-OOOOOOOOOOOO! Like a young Pauly Shore. She is pretty shy, though. When I show her herself in the mirror, she burrows her face in my shoulder like she doesn't want that other baby to see her. She's a pretty likable kid.

Today, she got a surprise package in the mail from Chris, with shirts and pens and buttons. There is nothing Nona likes more than having cool fashions to wear, so she was pretty jazzed. Then she puked.

nona/bob dolecute with nono
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