Q: I am twenty four years old and my boyfriend is the same age. We have been together for over a year and a half and we have a very nice relationship. I was quite aware going into dating him that he's a real nerd. He LOVES video games, hardcore. Buys DVDs compulsively. Owns pretty much every gaming system ever sold, along with tons and tons of games. These things I can get over. The thing that bothers me after all these months is his collection of action figures. They are not even "collectibles" because they are out of the package but he still displays them quite proudly on all of his shelves in his tiny dorm room like apartment. I will also mention that I am basically his first real girlfriend, and while I really really love him, I was hoping this factor of his dorkyness would start to lessen. He's even accumulated more!!! I am not snobby. I accept him the way he is but I really feel like people judge him for this characteristic. I dont want him to change who he is. But I think spending money on toys like this is a waste and very immature. How long do I need to put up with this silly hobby?? If we move in together should I boycott these toys??
A: I don't think you can say "I accept him for who he is," and then go off on how you wish that this one particular thing would change that you were aware of going into the relationship. If it was inconsequential enough when you met him, making a big deal out of it NOW seems almost controlling. I am pretty big on the idea that is is impossible to change people, especially an adult. You like a geeky dude, and unfortunately, he loves toys. You knew this, you claim to love him the way he is, this is just gonna be something you have to deal with. If you make an ultimatum, or try to get him to get rid of stuff he likes just because YOU don't like it, he is going to feel bad, and it will potentially breed resentment.
That's not to say that I think a stockpile of toys is cool or anything, because I hate cluttery garbage, and I think that collecting action figures is something that should cease when you grow pubic hair, but you made your bed, sister. If it's not your bag, you gotta get over it, or keep this lesson in mind for next time. When you meet someone, they are as good as they are ever going to get, if you are not totally balls-out about some aspect of their personality, you gotta be prepared to let that shit sliiiiide. Q: Recently, two friends of mine that had been dating for five or six months broke up. I want to have a party next weekend and I'm not sure how to handle the invitations. I'm pretty sure they still don't want to see each other, but I would feel bad not inviting either (or both) of them. What do you think?
A: Invite both of them, and have them sort it out. You're not fucking either of them, so it's not your problem. They are both your friends, and you are having a party, and you would (I assume) want them both there. They are going to have to figure out how to exist outside of their relationship anyway, if they are too immature to be in a social situation together without fighting or getting jealous, or letting it ruin their evening, then let them work that out for themselves, and decide who has to leave the shindig. You don't want to play favorites, you just want to keep both of your friends even if their romantic interlude didn't work out for the best.Q: I live with my best friend who has a tiny yorkshire terrier. When he gets upset (we've been away for too long, aren't paying attention to him) he pees all over the place. Otherwise he's trained and knows to go on his pad indoors. He pees on the carpet, on our beds, on our lamps. This place SMELLS. Once he had a panic attack at night and my friend woke up to his crap beside her head. On her pillow! How can we train him properly? We've tried a bad boy box - give him time outs, but he just gets more upset. We're about to move and don't want our new place smelling like pee.
A: Sooooo, you do realize that, if a dog is pissing and shitting everywhere, it's not trained, right? Living in a house that stinks of animal waste is a health hazard, and is pretty much squalor. You two are in charge, you need to take control before your landlord finds out how the pad is being kept, and raises hell or worse.
Y'all need to look into crate training. This dog obviously can't handle his business, and anxiety seems to exacerbate the problem. People sometimes think that crating a dog is mean, but dogs don't have a problem with it if they are used constructively, and not in a way that makes the dog feel punished or afraid of the crate (ie NOT a "Bad Boy Box"). A dog won't shit where it sleeps, if it has a consistent schedule of going to the bathroom outside (MAKE HIM GO OUTSIDE, HOW IS HE GONNA KNOW NOT TO SHIT IN THE HOUSE WHEN YOU TRAINED HIM TO?), and sleeps in a small area with just enough room for his bed. My dogs have never slept in my bed, ever, and they are always in their crate if I am not in a position to watch them. They have also never torn anything up, marked furniture, or caused any problems in the house, aside from being mildly annoying. They don't hate their crates, I just tell them "Go to bed", and they trot right in the crate, sit down, and wait for me to close the doors and lock them in. Then they go to sleep, or chew a chew toy until I let them out. They spend all night in there, and maybe a few hours during the day when I am running errands, but they have stayed in for 6-8 hours a couple times if I had a lot to do outside, and nobody else was home. They are no worse for wear, and everybody gets along just fine.
The dog is not even remotely trained, and it is not fair to him, aside from making your house unlivable. He wants to live somewhere clean and nice, and just doesn't understand what is going on. It is your responsibility to make sure he knows how to make you happy. You need to check out some books at the library and get cracking, cause living in excrement is about as nasty as you can get.