MYSTERY!!/ASK NATALIE08/10/07

Sorry to be blogging about TV again, but I really dislike the summertime. Being sweaty is my #1 least favorite thing to be, so I spend the hot months inside, maintaining my pasty visage, doing various crafts. If I am not crafting, I travel from one air-conditioned locale to another. When I am doing crafty stuff, I tend to put the TV on, cause I don't think Drew particularly enjoys the ongoing play-by-play that occurs when I just craft and sit there.

SO, I JUST FINISHED THIS LETTER ON MY NEEDLEPOINT. LOOK!
I JUST FINISHED ANOTHER ONE, LOOK!
I THINK I AM GOING TO MAKE COASTERS, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF COASTERS? WHAT KIND OF COASTERS SHOULD I MAKE? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH....

If I put the TV on, the talkytalky part of me turns off, and I absorb the cack and transform it directly into hesher beanies.

Lately, most of my programs (MY PROGRAMS!) are on hiatus or whatever... maybe they are never coming back, I don't know how TV programming works. So I have been stuck watching kinda sucky shows.

There is a new sucky show on VH1 called "The Pickup Artist". It is about this really schmarmy and poorly dressed dude who tries to teach nerdy dudes how to pick up chicks. Some of the dudes don't seem so much nerdy as just shy or something, but whatever. I guess whichever nerdy dude makes the most impressive transformation into a condescending misogynist wins some cash, and the chance to travel the world, banging drunk chicks as part of the schmarmy dude's entourage. That's what I picked up from watching it, anyway.

The schmarmy dude is named MYSTERY. The only mystery about him is how he tricks any chick into sleeping with him. I bet it has a lot to do with booze. He has a couple buddies who, I am assuming, will play a larger part in future episodes. In the first episode, though, they just stood there, looking rondo.*

(*Quick aside, I am going to be replacing "retarded" with "rondo" from now on. I think that the word retarded is played out, and there is nothing more retarded than a Kia Rondo, so it seems to lend itself quite nicely.)

Anyway, look at this guy. Ladies... would you do it with this guy?!? I mean, he is hosting a show about picking up chicks, so maybe you already have, but seriously! He looks like some guy who plays Magic cards, but he is like the ladies' Magic player, so he wears a fur Dr. Seuss hat and goggles. I could imagine in in a bar, wagging his tongue ring around in everyone's face.


I think the goggles are in case some girl throws a drink in his face. Those Red Bull and vodkas BURN.

Here's his buddy, some dude who looks like he was originally nerdier than the people competing in the show, but then someone got all rondo with the hair dye, so now he looks like some nebbish dude who got kicked out of Kajagoogoo. I don't think I would sleep with him either.


Nice fur coat, broseph.

At least blondie doesn't creep me out on some base, fundamental level like MYSTERY does. If I met him in real life, I don't know what I would do. I would probably attempt to unmeet him as quickly as possible. I would set up a turnstile and fuck ALL those nerds if it meant that I wouldn't have to ever even think about what happens when you leave the bar with MYSTERY. At least the nerds wouldn't leave a slime trail and give me herpes. A grease trail, maybe, but no slime, per se.

I am probably going to continue watching this to see how it all pans out... I will probably stop watching when they make all the normal looking guys get makeovers, and they wind up looking like an army of doughy Dave Navarros.

Anyway, this is gonna be my last TV post for awhile. Hopefully ever. I just found this show too rondo to not bring up with y'all.

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In other news, some chick wrote to me the other day, and said she thought tighty whities were sexy. Huh. Who knew? There you go, dudes, there are probably like 14 of them dispersed through the US, go get 'em.

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ASK NATALIE

Q: Natalie, I work in a place filled with idiots. Mostly there is this one idiot, who makes me want to die from hearing her speak. Honestly, I do not even think that this girl could do anything that her boss did not tell her to do, whether she wanted to or not. She is not even that nice, so it is not like she has a good personality or even good looks or anything at all to make up for it. It is pathetic. She totally wants to BE her boss. She even tries to say things that she hears her boss say, little catch phrases, or tries to be supportive or act like she is someone's manager, when she most CERTAINLY is not. She is always asking me to help her with things, but I know for certain that I never get any credit for this. She is selfish and stupid, just like a little grade-school brat! How the heck am I supposed to not throttle her when I walk by?


A: Well, you can always quit. If the job is that idiotic, you can probably find another one just as idiotic pretty easily. Nothing in your message seemed to be problematic, other than you letting yourself fixate on someone and let them get on your nerves. It sounds to me like you are bored with your job, so you are trying to find something to think about all day.

She both is unable to do anything without her boss telling her to AND tries to act like she is a manager? That seems kinda contradictory. When she asks you for help, that is called TEAMWORK and DELEGATING RESPONSIBILITY, both of which are things that managers look for when promoting people. If you are in an entry level position, you will probably not get loads of credit for everything you do, anyway, so if you are so starved for credit, maybe you ought to talk to your manager a little bit, too, and make it seem like you are interested in advancing or changing department or SOMETHING instead of just nitpicking every little thing someone does, just because you happen to not like them.

And I have no idea what her being good-looking would have to do with any arguement you are making against her... Did you have to participate in a fashion show during your interview?

I think you should just mellow out, and if you are so fundamentally bothered that you can't, then get another job. Being driven to want to "throttle" somebody for no real reason, and to have their very voice make you want to die is not a very healthy frame of mind to be in. You need to take a long hot bath and chill the hell out.

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