The fair08/08/06






It is the fair time of year, you guys. This is the one time of the summer that I get pumped for some fun on the sun. See, I have a pretty short attention span, so most summer pursuits (lazing on the beach, playing outdoor sports) are pretty boring for me. Combine this with the fact that I am the QUEEN OF COMPLAINERS, and the #1 thing that makes me whine is being hot. I tend to spend most of the summer under a 63 degree rock (AKA "working in the air conditioned basement") and only venture out in the evenings.

BUT NOT DURING THE FAIR!! I am going to drag my limp and pasty corpse out into the sun, and look at some cows and some As Seen On TV products. I am going to look at a bunch of agrarian shit and pretend I am in touch with the land. I am going to sit on a sticky bench and eat some burnt sweet potato fries and watch the greasy river of humanity ooze by. I am going to talk to cage after cage of chickens, and I am going to question people's parenting methods. All in the span of a few hours!! The fair was made for me. I went the other day, and now I am going again. I recommend you go, too, when you have a chance. You should probably go to the fair in your own state, though. Ohio doesn't want your kind here.

Here are two Ask Natalies, since I forgot to post one yesterday.



Q: Okay, so, a week ago I met this guy at a show, but don't stop reading yet... He had blue hair and a lisp and was nice in a way that sort of restored my hope for humanity, you know? But not so nice as to make me question his motives. So of course, he's gay.

Anyway, and I know this sounds soooo lame, but the group of people and I all exchanged MySpaces, including the guy. So now we're friends on MySpace, but we also have mutual friends and stuff. I left him a comment about some random thing, and he replied telling me how great I was and "whenever he became straight" he would "call me and let me know" because I'm "everything he loves in a woman." Later, he left me another one with some quote and asking me if I'd ever leave the back of his mind.

I am totally infatuated with this guy. My friend keeps saying over and over, "HE IS GAY, CAROLINE. THIS MEANS HE DOES NOT LIKE GIRLS, I.E. YOU." I think she's a dream crusher, but I also think she is right. Should I just forget about him?

A: If he's gay he's gay. His sexuality is as negotiable as yours.

Q: Why do people say the most obvious things? For example, I was sitting at the bus stop the other day, when the man sitting on the other side of the bench said, "It's a nice day." Obviously it's a nice day if the sun's out and the weather's warm. No need to tell me.

So what is the point in saying these pointless things? Using them to start conversation would be rather stupid unless you happen to enjoy disscussing the exact reasoning for why it is a nice day. I know I don't. Maybe it's because a human's mouth stop working if it doesn't talk enough, so it must use these phrases to maintain a healthful state. I don't know.

A: People say "obvious" things in order to establish a common ground so they can have CONVERSATIONS with other human beings, and share their experiences. The conversation does not have to be "YES THE WEATHER IS QUITE PLEASANT. 85 DEGREES, LOW HUMIDITY. WE MUST BE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGH PRESSURE SYSTEM... WINDS APPEAR TO BE COMING FROM THE SOUTH." It is just as easy to say, "Why yes it is a nice day! (slight pause) Where are you taking the bus today?" Then you wait for them to answer, and take an opportunity to talk to someone you might not have otherwise, and learn a little about what other people's lives are like.

Hello, I'm Mrs. Natalie. Welcome to BEING A PERSON 101.

Maybe you are content to live in your brain, and only talk to people you preselect as being "cool" or whatever standard you hold people to, but being a pleasant person who interacts with everyone as though they are valuable members of the human race is so much cooler. People don't just talk to hear themselves talk, they sometimes talk because ignoring another person in their immediate vicinity for prolonged periods of time (ie the duration of a bus wait) is kind of rude.
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