"I (heart) Columbus, Ohio/ASK NATALIE"09/23/06

I mentioned a few posts ago that I grew up in a pretty small town. Needless to say, as soon as I graduated high school, I totally hightailed it to the closest metrolpolitan area, Columbus. I like it pretty well here. I think it is a nice city, it is easy to get around, unlike some other cities with sprawling suburbs and seemingly non-sensical city planning (I am looking at you, Cincinnati.) Whenever I leave, I am always happy to come back. I have been to a lot of major cities, and I just don't like them as much as I like Columbus.

I have thought a few times about moving, but I don't think I want to. I would be totally fine living here forever.

I have had to talk to a lot of people from all over the place, being internationally intriguing and all, and I find it interesting that a lot of people think that, since I am from Ohio, I am a hick, or stupid. A lot of people seem to believe that Columbus is not a real city, and that west of Pennsylvania is the same as rural Utah. I have talked to other people I know who live in Ohio, and have to travel for business or work with people from different locales, and they report the same phenomenon.

Columbus is the 15th largest city in the US. That might not sound like much, but Columbus is bigger than Seattle, Boston, Denver, Washington DC, Las Vegas, Portland, Atlanta, Sacramento, New Orleans, and Miami. Those are real cities, right, cool guy?

There are also a lot of famous people from Ohio. Chrissy Hynde, Kim and Kelly Deal, Lux Interior, Devo and Screaming Jay Hawkins are from Ohio. So are Gloria Steinem, Neil Armstrong, and John Glenn. There are a lot more people from Ohio than just the ones I listed, you can check out the list on the Wiki-me-pedia. Go on, read the list. It is pretty exhausting.

There were 8 presidents from Ohio. There have only been 43 presidents, so we are obviously kicking everyone else in the ass when it comes to presidenting. I mean, do some quick math... there are 49 states that have to share the leftover 35 presidents. We didn't even leave enough presidents for you all to just have one. My high school's mascot was the president. This place is lousy with presidents.

There are plenty of things to do here: galleries, museums, concerts, sports teams, a ton of shopping. Best of all, the cost of living here is pretty reasonable. For the price of a small house in California, or a tiny condo in NY, you can have a really nice huge house here. Or a reasonable house and a nice chunk of change in the bank. If, for some reason, you wanted to leave Columbus and visit somewhere else, a lot of metropolitan areas are within a day's drive, so it is pretty easy to do a long weekend somewhere like New York or Chicago or Philidelphia.

Some people try to give me a hard time because Ohio was a red state in this past election. Well, if you look at a map of democratic counties in Ohio, you can see that Columbus is a lovely shade of dark blue, thank you very much.

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Besides, I am sure a lot of the red-stateyness has more to do with the large number of corporations based in Ohio, and less to do with a vast number of banjo-playing voters. I'm not saying it is cool that Ohio was a red state, I am just saying that I voted, and then the rest of the cards fell where they fell. I am not going to pretend I did not like living here the previous 24 years, and haven't continued to enjoy living here for the past 2 years, even though the political climate has turned all whackjob. Would you prefer that all the Democrats jump ship and move to a blue state, and just surrender the state to the Republicans forever?

It may sound like I have an inferiority complex about all this, but I think that I am the only one in Columbus who doesn't. Everyone else seems to believe the non-Columbusians who think we are a crappy, little town in a crappy, backwards state. I already think we RULE ASS. In your face, internet, I am from motherhumping Columbus, Ohio. IN YOUR FACE, INTERNET.

Actually, there is one thing I hate about Columbus, and that is Ohio State football games. Seriously. I really resent the fans that drive in and treat my city like crap, drinking and puking everywhere, and setting stuff on fire. I also do not like how they take police officers (who should be policing elsewhere) to direct traffic for games, and that the traffic can really back up and make driving around impossible. I mean, I am not mad because I don't like football. I am mad because there are a lot of people who don't like football, but we all have our days interrupted by it. I don't go to Mansfield or Akron and stop up traffic so I can listen to Ghostface Killah and knit. Don't come to my town and make me sit in the traffic forever so you can get sloppy drunk and vandalize stuff.

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O-HI-Oh shit I got paint in my eye!!!


Ask Natalie

Q: What are your thoughts on butt plugs? For straight guys. My (long-term) girlfriend and I use them for her occasionally, and I've played around with them for me alone. We're very open in our relationship, there's plenty of kink in the bedroom, and I'm secure in my manhood, but I'm not so sure a reasonable girl wouldn't start to question her man if he wanted to put things in his ass. I mean, it would most likely be while my penis was in her vagina and all... but still. What do you think? What's the best way to introduce this idea? I know you don't know exactly what SHE will think, but what are your thoughts? To me, it's a butt plug, I'm not fantasizing it's some guy's penis, but there's that stigma out there that being on the receiving end of ass play is only for women and gay men.

A: You should just tell her that you want to use a butt plug yourself. I mean, it makes more sense for you to want to use it than your girlfriend, anyway. You have your prostate gland going on up there, so there is actually something to stimulate. Girls just have an ass full of butthole. There's nothing gay about putting things in your butt unless there is another dude involved in it.
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