Crafting, Baby stuff, etc11/17/09

Hey hey hey!

I just got done shoveling money into the gaping maw of Yahoo. Apparently, it just costs too much for them to host so many big, bad pictures of my daughter on Flickr, so I had to renew my pro account. Let's just say, I know how much it costs for ME to host stuff on this site, so telling me that it is going to gost 25 bucks to host my low-res, 600 pixel wide baby pictures for a year is a hard sell. But not so hard that I won't pay it to fix my blog. YOU HAPPY, YAHOO? At least now your starving children will get some gruel, huh?

That's out of the way, so how are y'all? I'm feeling fantastic, thanks for asking. I'm just chilling out here in my office (AKA the spare bedroom where I store my wardrobe, all my craft stuff, and my big old picture-drawing rig. And my drugs. I'm just kidding. No, I'm not. Yes, I am...not...not kidding.)

I've been doing a lot of craft stuff lately. I made a tuffet thing while reacquainting myself with the ol' Husqvarna, as well as a little jumper for Nona out of some leftover Marc Jacobs fabric I scored from a friend. I've been making amigurumis, too, and trying to figure out shaping and stuff with that so I can make my own patterns. I have also been trying my hand at the ambitious craft of thread crochet, which is basically like crocheting only you use fine thread, and teeeeny little 1mm hooks, and you make lace or filet mesh or doilies or what have you.

I dig needle crafts pretty good. I taught myself to knit a long time ago, when I was working as a phone sex operator, since I would spend 8 hour shifts just hanging out in a cubicle with nothing to do aside from waiting for calls to come in. I knit for a good while, and never really got that good at it. I could make scarves or a hat, but I never got better than knitting and purling little patterns on scarves and using double-pointed needles. Crocheting, on the other hand, I took to pretty easily. I taught myself all the stitches and for whatever reason, it just made a lot more sense to me. I was able to immediately try out intermediate patterns and make animals and stuff for Nona, and now I basically rule ass at it. I am butting up against the COSTS associated with it, though. Yarn is fucking expensive if you get the nice stuff. That is why I have been doing the amigurumis, since you just use the cheap Red Heart for them, and the thread crochet is super inexpensive. You can get a big ball of 350 yards of thread for less than 2 bucks, so you can do some really beautiful intricate project that is pretty impressive and satisfying for nothing. Not to mention, thread crochet doesn't have the trendyness associated with it like something like armwarmers or whatever. It's not that I dislike trendyness that much, it's just that when something is real popular, there will come a time when it is not so cool anymore. With my doilies, nobody thinks making doilies is that cool, so nobody will deem it uncool and leave me holding my tube full of steels. I'm a loner, okay?

Anyway, here are some pics of a couple things I've been working on lately...

crafts-fall-2009

Also, last month Miss Nona had her first birthday. I didn't want to have a big party for her or anything like that, since little kids don't really like big parties when they are that young. I tried to keep things low-key, and only invited her grandparents and aunts, but it was still a bit of a to-do since our house is not real big. After the Thanksgiving with the cream-cheese pinwheels, I quit trying to make nice food for people. So, I ordered a cake, bought some pre-made BBQ sandwich meat to put in the crockpot, and served the sandwiches with chips and some pre-cut veggies and dip. I didn't cook shit, and nobody knew the difference. I invested most of my time decorating the day before, because I figured the only thing Nona would really dig would be having balloons and sparkly streamers in the house. I spent a lot of time cutting circles out of construction paper, and cutting and taping them to make tiny party hats, and putting party hats on all the figurines and taxedermied animals in the house, and taping little triangle hats to all the people in all the pictures on the wall. The rest of the party stuff was just a distraction from her nap, and a bunch of people she doesn't see that often blocking her path to the fireplace to fuck with the gas valve.

It's pretty crazy thinking about how little she was last year. She was tiny tiny and weighed 4 pounds, and now she is on the big side of the baby-size-chart, and weighs like 25 pounds. And she is TALL, taller than some 2 years olds we've met. A pretty impressive clip. If a full-sized person gained 20 pounds it would be quite apparent, more than quadrupling your weight in a year is a fucking feat to say the least. She may outgrow clothes like a mug, but she is still pretty fashionable for a baby...

nona-collage-fall-2009 The best part about her is that she thinks she is a grown-up, she just wants to chill out with adults and listen in on their conversations. You can take her anywhere with no problems-- restaurants, the conceptual art museum, wherever. Just yesterday I met up at the coffee shop with one of my main bitches, and hung out for 3 hours. Nona just sat in her stroller and listened in on the conversation and would laugh whenever we would laugh about something. She never cries about anything, and she is really funny and cool to hang out with. I'm not sure how much of that is genetics, and how much of that is just her being totally indulged all the time, but I am not complaining. She can continue being cool for as long as she wants.

Speaking of genetics, it appears that, even though she looked just like her dad when she was born, my genes pulled through in the end and suddenly we are twins. Check it out, the pic on the left is me and my grandmother, the pic on the right is Nona when she was exactly the same age as I was in the first pic...

baby-natalie-vs-baby-nona

So, anyway, that's what's been up with me lately!

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A heads up to all my people in Canada, Mexico, UK, Europe, Not-the USA, etc.... The Christmas season starts early for y'all, because if you are interested in purchasing any shirts or art from the Sharing Machine store, you need to do so before November 25th to ensure Christmas delivery. Our warehouse folks rule, and ship things in an extremely timely manner, but we can't account for the customs officials in your country being as prompt, hence the earlier window for Christmas gifts.

Please check out the store to see what's on the block! Some shirts are on their way out, so if there is something you like, carpe diem!

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As always, you can send advice column questions to asknatalie(at)nataliedee.com. Please put ASK NATALIE in the subject line, that's how I know the question is for the column and that I can print it in the blog. I hope to get that rolling on the regular again, so if you have any pressing issues, bounce them off ME!!
Quick-n-Dirty09/08/09

HEY, Y'ALL! What is up with you? Long time, no see. Sorry if I haven't been blogging much lately, not much has been going on here except a bunch of boring old people stuff. I don't think my life is particularly uninteresting, and I am sure that other boring old people would think my day-to-day activities are fulfilling and interesting, but it is not real blog-worthy material. OH, FALAFEL IS JUST AS GOOD WHEN I BAKE IT! TYPE TYPE TYPE... I mean, I had fun, but I'm not going to be getting any Webby awards, ifyouknowwhatimean.



I just rather not write in here if I don't have anything compelling to talk about, since I am not a blogeur.



Add to that the fact that I am a shitty 14 year old trapped in a boring old lady's body, every time I got an email that said BLOG the 14 year old inside of me got all petulant and was like NUH-UH YOU'RE NOT MY DAD.



Anyway, on to the bullet points:



-Did you know that I have some new bags in the store zone? It's true. You can put all kinds of stuff in em, books, records, bullshit, other junk... They are pretty sturdy, and stress-tested to 75 lbs, so even if you eat bowling balls, these would work for your groceries. Check them out if you like. They are $10 each, so it is almost like I have a mental illness.



-My own kid, Miss Nona Dell, has a pretty sweet side gig doing a little baby modeling for my pal Amy. Amy makes very awesome wooden teethers right here in Columbus. All her stuff is handmade of locally-sourced hardwood and finished with organic flaxseed oil. They are pretty nice! Nona likes 'em, and they don't even have batteries or anything. If you're into baby stuff, or organic stuff, or chewing on stuff, I suggest you check her site out. HER SITE IS RIGHT HERE. Nona is the baby in the beginning slideshow thing wearing the purple tshirt and black skirt, FYI.



In other Nona news, she's still being the most awesome and badass 10 month old baby ever. She doesn't cry and sleeps 11 hours a night and just likes chilling out and making beats on the MPC with her dad. Parenthood is pretty uneventful after the fire and brimstone of all that hospital drama last year. She's basically just another cool dude who hangs out at our house, only she's incontinent.



Here she is, muggin'. straight muggin'



OKEEDOKE.



I got some more stuff in the pipes here, so I won''t be leaving y'all hanging as long until the next installment. Stay cool, guys!!
People and their poop/Videogames03/17/09

ASK NATALIE

Q: My boyfriend is Swedish. I don't speak the language but I'm learning and can speak a little. When listening to people speaking Swedish I can pick up a few words in their sentences and get a general idea of what they are saying. Anyways, I absolutely love when he talks dirty to me in Swedish, even though I don't fully understand what he's saying. It really gets me off. He is always happy to do it but sometimes laughs and says he doesn't really get the appeal. And neither do I!

Is that weird? Why would something that I don't fully understand, turn me on so much? Is there such thing as a language/cultural fetish?

A: Maybe... I think that part of the attraction to people who speak a different language is that they seem exotic. Once you know what they are saying, you realize they are saying the same dumb shit that everyone else says when they are doing it.

I don't think anyone really understand why certain things turn them on. If people's peccadillos were easily explained and worked through, you wouldn't have dudes laying under toilet seats, waiting for you to poop in their mouths.

Q: I really like the idea of becoming a fitness model. I am just not sure if this is a really stupid idea. I'm 24, in good shape, and in a graduate program, and likely go to go onto do a PhD. I don't know if fitness modeling will a) make me seem unprofessional and b) make my body unattractive to other people!

A: I think if you want to do it, you should just go ahead and do it. You don't have to put it on your professional resume or anything. If people think rippedness is unattractive, who cares. It's not like you're going to be going to the office in muscle shirts.

Q: My boyfriend and I have a pretty excellent sex life. We have a lot of fun, and everything is pretty much fair game. This includes various forms of anal play. A couple weeks ago, I snuck a finger up there and realized afterward, when I went to the bathroom, that there was shit on it. I just washed real good and never said anything, because he would have been mortified, and had the situation been reversed, I would have appreciated the understanding. I figured it was a one time thing and that he just didn't realize he had stuff in there ready to go that night. However, its been happening subsequently, every time I try, and the same thing happens. It never did before.

Recently, he asked me what exactly a hemorrhoid is (I am a nurse). I told him, and he said he think he might have one. I have never actually seen what he is talking about, but he says he can feel it in the shower. He is acting like it's no big deal, because really, one hemorrhoid usually isn't. They usually resolve on their own, but I am wondering if something else is going on due to the *other* problem he doesn't even realize he has. A rectum is NOT typically a holding vesicle. Something's going on. My question for you is: How do I tell him that I think he should talk to his doctor? If I tell him the whole story, he is going to be horrified, he really gets embarrassed about any bodily function that is butt related. Part of me wants to just ask one of the MDs where I work, but a bigger part doesn't want to discuss this with colleagues. How should I approach this?

A: I think that, if you know someone well enough that you are sticking your finger in his butthole on a very regular basis, you should be able to talk about the issue with him. Also, how embarrassed could someone be about butt-related functions when he is letting you finger him all the time, and talks to you about his hemorrhoids? Honestly.

That being said, you are right about crap not getting stored in your rectum, but crap goes through it, so it is probably not sparkling clean in there. I mean, they make butt douche for a reason, right? I would just tell him to see the doctor about his hemorrhoid, since it is his first one, so he can be sure that is what is going on. The doctor will stick his finger in your dude's butt when he sees him about that, and if the doctor gets such a poopy finger back that he needs to double-check that ass, then your dude will be in the right place.

Seriously, though, if I was looking for a little poop, the first place I would look would be in the butt. I don't really think there is reason to be so shocked about it. Certainly not so shocked as to talk to coworkers about it.

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Yikes, that was a lot of poop talk.

Anyway, my thing lately has been taking baths. I am not trying to imply that I previously did not bathe, I am talking about extra-curricular bathing.

A few times a week, I will fill the tub up and sit in it for an hour or so. It is pretty relaxing. Sometimes I will put a masque on or something. I don't usually put any bubbles or anything in the water, cause I sit in it for a long time, and soaking in chemicals for a long time doesn't seem like a cool idea. It also makes the tub all scummy.

I will sit in the tub and think up ideas for inventions and stuff. I am not going to tell you my invention ideas, cause I am not trying to make a million dollars for y'all. Sometimes I will listen to the neighbors yelling in their yards about stuff. I will drink Diet Coke, sometimes with some saltines. I will read Judith Martin books. You know, just chill out and whatever. Sometimes I will try to have yelling conversations between the upstairs and downstairs.

Mainly I play Animal Crossing, though. Sadly, it seems like everybody else has moved on from playing Animal Crossing since last time I played regularly. I guess they got a different game, or are playing it on the Wii or something. Last time I played, I was able to dig up other people and get their friend codes and stuff, but I haven't had much luck. Also, Drew lost his DS, so I can't get anything good from him. That's how it goes when you play the same 3 or 4 games sporadically, rather than moving on with your life, but whatever.

The thing is, I don't really like videogames very much. I like puzzle games like Tetris or Zoo Keeper, and real easy stuff like Cooking Mama. Drew has one of those fancy Playstations, and I don't even want to touch that thing. He plays Grand Theft on it, and I just can't make that game go. I can't figure out all the buttons, and the huge 3D world you have to play in is confusing, so I either just kinda go jogging, or I get a car and drive it regular, and try not to ding it up. No missions for me, thanks. I think I have only played it twice, though. Once when he was playing the San Andreas one, and one time with the newer one.

Anyway, I think that my reason for writing this was to see if anyone wanted to share friend codes and give me some good fruit in Animal Crossing. I have pears, so if anyone wants to hook me up with different kinds of fruit, and maybe some coconuts or something, that would be pretty awesome. Perhaps you have a nice shirt, or wallpaper perhaps. I bet I can find a clown nose or luche mask for you, or, like I mentioned, some of my native pears. Just email me at that email address up there under the big red logo. EDIT: IT APPEARS THE WIFI ON MY DS IS MESSED UP, SO I WILL HAVE TO MEET-N-GREET IN VIDEOGAMELAND AT SOME FUTURE DATE. LIKE, AFTER I FIX THE ISSUE, OR GET A NEW DS.

ALSO DON'T FORGET MY NEW SHIRTS! Some sizes are running low, and some other shirts are on their way out for good, so check it if you are into that kind of thing!!

New Shirts03/09/09

Soooo, there are NEW Natalie Dee shirts in the Sharing Machine store... These shirts are a looooong time coming, since we had so many changes to the store and our shirt vendors and all that in the past year. I haven't had any new shirts for nine months, and this has been my first opportunity to take advantage of our awesome new printer.

We scoured the far corners of the earth to find the very best printer, who was able to do just about anything we were able to dream up, and do it at a competitive price. As you can see from the two examples below, these new shirts turned out TIGHT AS HELL:

The excellent, 11-color Raisins shirt...


And the resplendent I Don't Care shirt...


So, please check out these, as well as the SEVEN other new shirts on my store page. As an added bonus, I have a coupon code for my loyal blog readers... If you purchase a new shirt (or any other shirt), just enter the coupon code SPRINGTIME at checkout for 2 dollars off your order. Please note that the coupon expires Friday, March 13th.

Also, I don't mean to be boastful or anything, but I really do think these new shirts turned out especially well, and I dare you to find any other webcomic who is selling 11-color shirts for 16 bucks (13 bucks if you buy 3 or more.) We really busted our chops to be able to offer the absolute best screenprinting for the most bargain-basement price possible.

GO TO THE STORE TO SEE THESE SICK NEW SHIRTS!!!
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